How to Get Your Husband to Help out Around the House

The division of “household labor” is typically non-existent in many busy homes. Between work, kids and schedules, housework usually falls on one set of weary shoulders, most likely the wife’s. After a while, many wives become resentful, especially if they also work outside the home, as housework becomes the "second shift."
In order to avoid a marriage meltdown, creating an action plan that will not only motivate your hubby to help around the house, but create a sense of sense of peace and balance within the marriage is one way forward.

1. Determine what needs to be done around the house. From laundry to taking out the garbage, make a list of all the weekly chores and who currently completes the task. In defining the tasks needing to be done, you get around the first hurdle of your husband being unable to notice that there are chores needing doing. Moreover, identifying the exact chores can help both of you see what constitutes household work. Typical chores include:

• Cleaning all areas of the house
• Laundry duties (washing, ironing, folding and putting away)
• Grocery shopping, plus other sundry store visits
• Cooking, washing up
• Bill payment and sorting
• Yard work, gardening and building maintenance
• Remembering birthdays with cards and gifts
• Taking children to sports and other activities, medical visits, etc.
• Pet care, including grooming, vet visits, feeding, etc.

2. Evaluate the current household chore list in terms of easy, moderate and difficult tasks. Rate each listed task by considering how long it takes to perform it, how strenuous it is to accomplish and how often it must be performed. For example, washing the floors may be a moderately difficult task. You must first sweep and possibly “Swiffer” the floors to ensure all debris is picked up. Then in order to properly clean the floors, you must follow up sweeping with mopping. Depending on how big of a space you have to tackle, this job could take up to an hour.

• As part of developing the list, add in who currently tackles each chore. Be sure you include outdoor tasks as well as handling any pets (such as feeding or bathing the dog for example).
• When writing up the list, also consider whether there are items that could make cleaning easier. For example, can you upgrade the vacuum cleaner or get better cleaning detergent? These can be excellent tasks to assign to your husband if he is the sort who loves discovering how to improve your lifestyle, finding gadgets and comparing items. Making him feel that he has bought into the cleaning items can give him a greater sense of pride in using them to prove that they're doing the job in half the time of the old items!

3.Ask for help. Unless you ask, he may never realize the full extent of your resentment and feelings of energy and time loss, and you may never know how much more he is capable of contributing. Make a date with your husband to discuss the chores. Schedule your date after a fun day or even a long week at work––just avoid booking time immediately following an argument, especially on the topic of helping around the house or at the time something is about to take away your husband's attention, like a sports game. Grab some wine, get away from the kids and TV and bring your list to the date.




4.Begin the date by telling your husband how much you appreciate all that he does around the house. Reference the tasks he performs already and talk about how his contributions make such a huge difference in how the family functions. Then go on to explain that because you have a partnership and feel as if you're taking on more than you can handle, you’d love him to help out more.

• Show him the list of tasks so that he can see the multitude of household chores in black and white.
• Don't tell him that you think it’s unfair that you’ve been doing the majority of the work––chances are he’s never thought of your housework input as being unbalanced or he has just kept quiet because he didn’t want to do the work either. Just tell him that his contributions would help maintain your mental stability and energy levels, and give your family more time to do fun things instead of having the entire family wait around while you finished the housework.

5.Ask him to review your list and find the chores that he wouldn’t mind taking on. Steer him toward the chores that may not require previous “housecleaning” experience such as bathing the dogs, sweeping the floors or cleaning the toilets.







6.Since he may have never tackled these “new” chores, tell him how you accomplish the work and when. Don't tell him that he must do the chores one way and on a certain day, but instead explain how you do it and what has worked for you. The idea is that he parrots your method, but don’t freak out if he doesn’t use your exact approach.

7. Consider forming a team approach to the household chores. Set aside one time a week where both of you pitch in and do household chores, after which there is room for relaxing and leisure. Saturday mornings can be a good time if there aren't other commitments because it frees up the rest of the weekend; otherwise. choose another time that fits in and lets both of you do housework in tandem.
 In the spirit of teamwork, break down smaller chores into team efforts too. For example, you cook, he washes the dishes. You hang the clothes on the line, he takes them off and folds them. You vacuum the floors, he mops the rest. And so on.


 8.Be flexible and patient. It takes time to change old routines and habits, especially when one person has been relied upon heavily to just magically keep the house clean. It may take lots of gentle reminders and some additional persuasion but persist until it becomes the norm in your household. And avoid keeping score; he's likely to slip up, and maybe you are too. Just gently remind him of his end of the bargain when he fails to meet it.

• Cut your husband some slack during housework. Just because he doesn’t do it completely up to your standards, let him perform the task uninterrupted. Remember that if you want more help, you have to accept how he does it.
• Give your husband “foolproof” housework such as emptying garbage cans, picking up laundry and sweeping floors. Wait until he’s better capable to tackle chores like laundry, where there’s the possibility he could accidentally turn your white clothing pink.

 9. Get into the habit of thanking one another for keeping the household space running smoothly. You both contribute to the harmony of the home, so both of you need to acknowledge this from time to time. The more you demonstrate your appreciation to one another, the more it becomes a good habit.

Tips

• If you and your husband work long hours, determine if you have the finances to hire a weekly cleaning service. Even if one or both of you works from home, having a cleaner can make life a whole lot easier on the entire household. Consider which tasks you’d like the cleaning service to handle and which tasks would still be your responsibility. Usually weekly cleaning is best left to a cleaner, while both you will need to remain responsible for day-to-day needs and bigger cleans.
• If your husband is willing provide him with a “honey-do” list so he knows exactly what you want and doesn’t have to guess.
• Give some of the housework to the kids. Children need to learn early in life how to manage basic household chores, so asking them to put away their laundry, clean mirrors and make their bed is a good start. Increase the amount of chores regularly until they're doing cleaning up jobs without even having to be asked.
• If helping around the house doesn’t work out, split the difference and ask your husband to instead run your errands, grocery shop and take and pick up children from school or practices.

Warnings

• Avoid treating your husband like a child or being bossy. This will only end in arguments and nothing will change. Also avoid pulling the martyr routine; all that does is have you continue to burn internally while everyone simply acknowledges that you put up with it even if they have to tolerate mumbling.
• Don’t broach the subject of helping around the house during an argument or tense situation; you’ll never get the help you need (and deserve).
• If your husband has agreed to perform certain tasks but doesn’t do it, never nag or yell at him. Instead, ask him if he thinks he’ll still be able to do them and that you really would appreciate the help.
• Be careful with giving chores to the kids. They must be developmentally appropriate, meaning they must fit their level. My husband was made to do laundry, clean the bathroom and dishes at the age of 7 and he still has deep resentments about it, not to mention it's quite a negotiation to get him to help pitch in.

Taken at : Wikihow.com